Everyone wants the ease and enjoyment of a phenomenal relationship, but in order to achieve that status and keep it, we have to have stellar, consistent communication. That communication must also include discussions about finances. 

It is extremely important for you and your partner to be on the same page about your finances. It is a whole new level of trust and dedication, and if it can not be achieved, it will mean issues in your union later on. 

Here are some key points to help you on your journey whether it’s new or has room for improvement. 

? Saver VS. Spender – Typically, there is one saver in a relationship and one spender. Hopefully, there are not two spenders. Don’t let your personality differences tear you apart. Get out your notebooks, calculators, laptops, or whatever tools you prefer and get your crap on paper. You have to stop the bleeding if it’s happening and formulate a plan for financial peace. If one person is saving and the other person is spending, there is going to be a war in the future. Let’s face it, it’s really not cool. One person is working really hard to save and invest in the relationship and the family or whatever future, vacation, home, or dream you have. The other party is spending it up and not really paying attention to the damage they are doing. It may not be their fault. They may not even realize they are doing it. They may not have ever been taught how to budget. This is where communication comes in. 

? Create a Budget – This is a must. Start with your household bills. The utilities, rent, mortgage, cable, etc… Next, your car payments, insurance, cell phones, credit cards, gym membership, medical bills, etc… Lastly, list your personal junk. This would include groceries, gas, haircuts, car maintenance, prescriptions, clothing, lunch money, etc… Add up the damage. And guess what? It’s both of your damage together. It shouldn’t be separated. This is where it gets fun! The total number knockout might surprise you. This is why the budget is so important. The next thing to do is to get out your pay stubs and jot down your bring-home pay together. You know the rest. Hopefully, there is money left over after you pay all the bills. If there isn’t, you need to cut back somewhere. It’s always a good idea to be saving some if you can for the unexpected and if you would ever like to have a retirement or a vacation. 

These are the things you need to discuss with your partner. What are your dreams and your goals as a couple? If you are not on the same page here, it is wise to have some discussion and decide what is important to you both and make a plan for it to happen. Don’t go into the future blindly. It is not a good strategy. 

? Kids in Your Wallets – You can not let your kids dictate your wallets. Dave Ramsey discusses the relevance of discussing purchases with your partner prior to the event. It simply may not be in the budget. This is why these things must be discussed. He also suggests the value of helping kids “earn” the item they are wanting such as a video game or new toy they’ve been wanting. This also teaches them the value of a dollar as well as beginning a budget. It also teaches them work ethic. 

? Expectations Vs. Reality – When couples have unmet expectations, it can be detrimental to their relationship. This leaves a person feeling unhappy, unfulfilled, sad, or even bitter. If one person’s idea is to purchase a house in the first year of marriage and the other person is to rent, there is going to be some pretty big disappointment awaiting. According to Dave Ramsey, those in healthy marriages are twice as likely to share their financial strategies. 

? Joint Bank Accounts – It may sound cliche and old school, but it is for the best. There is a reason couples with shared bank accounts have strong financial bonds. They have more trust and honesty in their relationship. This is strongly advised for long-term and married couples. We shouldn’t be hiding things from our significant other. We should be free to make purchases without their approval on the occasion, yes. However, major decisions and large purchases should always be discussed before they happen. That is, if you would like to stay in your relationship or married. ? 

? Start a “FUN” fund – Don’t be all work and no play. “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” Make sure you go on a date at least a couple of times a month. It doesn’t have to be expensive either. It can be a picnic in the park or a couple of beers at the pub. You need that special time together or you will both go crazy. 

Also, Pick a reasonable amount you can both live with sacrificing from each paycheck and put it in a savings account or an adult piggy bank with a lock of sorts that you can’t easily get your hands on. Agree to keep it off-limits until you reach a goal amount that you both decide upon for a vacation, a romantic night out, a new grill, or whatever your little golden hearts may fancy. It will give you something to look forward to and something to work toward as a couple. It will make you feel like your efforts are not fruitless and you’re working for something besides just paying bills. Life is about more than work and money. If you don’t spend time together and have fun in life, it’s all for nothing. 

??? Re-cap – 

1. Have the discussion and do it consistently.
2. Find a balance between saver and spender.
3. Identify your financial indifferences and meet in the middle.
4. Formulate a budget you both can live with. Make sacrifices where you need to.
5. Get the kids out of your wallets.
6. Re-visit your expectations vs. your realities.
7. Joint bank accounts – long term couples/married couples
8. Start a “fun” fund.

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