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“Those who dream by day are cognisant of many things which escape those who dream only by night”
Edgar Allan Poe
Saying Goodbye To Your Pet ~ Dealing With Death & Why it is So Difficult
I couldn’t even get through writing the title without crying. It’s a topic that needs to be written. I’ve considered it many times. I unexpectedly lost a dog last year and now am losing another one. This time, however, I at least know it is coming. Sometimes I’m not sure if that’s better or worse.
About three weeks ago, we found out that Marley, our yellow Labrador Retriever has lymphoma. It is basically incurable. Even if chemotherapy (which we cannot afford) is successful, the vet says it will most likely only buy him four to five more months of life. We decided to opt for steroidal treatment instead which will basically keep the inflammation down and keep him comfortable in his last days. According to research and our vet, Marley should not really be in pain from his tumor and multiple lymph node swelling. I am thankful for that and it makes me feel better. The main thing that seems to bother him now is not being able to get up on his back legs and we believe that is because he is not eating well at this point. He also has trouble breathing due to the tumor.
It was extremely difficult to come to terms with the fact that we are losing another dog since we just lost Lilu, our Airedale Terrier, last year. Marley is ten years old. Lilu was only six when she passed. I was always prepared for Marley to go first since he is older, but I thought I at least had a couple more years. Let’s be honest, none of us are ever ready to hear that our baby is dying. Marley is like a son to me. All of my dogs are like children to me. They come to snuggle with me when I’m sick. They lay by my side when I’m sad. When I’m cooking they are at my feet. ? When we are outside, they want to be with us. When we are going to bed, they want to come too. When I leave in my car, they want to ride with me.
All of these things make it so hard to let go of these sweet dogs, cats, or whatever type of pet you have. They know us, they spend every day surrounding us with love and adoration. When we leave, they can’t wait for us to return. All they want to do is to please us. Who else gives us such unconditional love? All they want in return is our time. They have such little time to live and we are many times too busy to spend time with them. I for one am guilty of this at times. It’s tough with work, children, housework, yard work, etc… But, just remember their time is limited. There are so many things that we can do that involve our pets in what we do. There A few things I’ve always done that I will share. Some things I’ve done more with Marley knowing his final days are approaching.
Here are some examples of how to include your dog more and still get stuff done:
- Take your dog with you to run errands that you don’t have to get out of the car for. They love going for rides. I do this when I can. If I’m going to pick up dinner, a prescription, a Target pickup, and things like that. Or just take a drive for no reason at all. It will make your pet’s day. Oh, and let him/her ride shotgun and hang their head out the window.
- Exercise with them if they can/while they can. Go for a walk, run, or do some yoga. They love to get exercise and you need it too. Yoga is difficult, but mine lay on the floor next to my mat and watch. I talk to them while I’m working. Marley cannot walk anymore. If they have a condition, you might be surprised how quickly they lose their mobility. Take advantage while you can and get out and mobile with them.
- Grill out! We do this often because it gives us an opportunity to get outdoors with our dogs and they love it! We can sit on the swing and talk with them, pet them, or play ball with them while things are grilling. We play music outdoors and they hang out on the deck with us.
- Pool time! This is new for us as we just added an above ground pool this year. We’ve only gotten two out of four dogs in so far, but we’re working on it. If you’re going to be in the pool, why not bring your pet? It will cool them off and you can get some quality time in. There are fun doggie rafts/pet rafts you can purchase that are specially made to accommodate for dog nails, heavier weight, and four legs. We recently purchased theSwimWaysSpring Float Paddle Paws Dog Pool Float for 65 pounds and above. You can buy it here. We purchased this one since we have larger dogs and works so great! The material is thicker so you don’t have to worry about punctures from a dog’s nails. I was worried the raft wouldn’t support the weight, but we were able to put our 65 pound Alaskan Husky AND our 36 pound Airedale Terrier puppy in there together and it was still floating fine.
- Floor time. Since Marley can’t get up on his own anymore, we spend a lot of time on the floor with him now. If I have to work on the computer, I do it during this time. This way, I can still be with him. My preference is to lay or sit on the floor with a blanket or cushion with him and watch a movie while petting him. I talk to him and comfort him. Your pet values any time with you. Read to him/her. Let them hear your voice.
Get the family involved.
- Do things together as a family with your pet.
- Create memories. You want to remember your pet’s last days as him/her being as happy and comfortable as they can.
- Let them have their way. If he wants ice cream, get him ice cream. If she wants your pizza, let her have it. Small things make pets happy. Indulge them in the things they don’t normally get.
Preparing for the death of a pet is not something anyone feels like doing, but nonetheless it is a decision that must be made. Trust me, it is not a choice you want to make after they have passed. When Lilu passed suddenly last year I had no idea what I wanted to do. I had not thought about it really. I didn’t think I would have to worry about it for a long time. This stressed me out even more. Should we have her buried or cremated? We didn’t have a lot of money with all of the emergency vet bills that had incurred. Pet burial is expensive and we were worried about moving away and leaving her behind. None of us liked the idea of her being “burned” in a traditional cremation. A friend of mine told me about another option called aquamation (water-based cremation). It’s an eco-friendly option that uses an Alkaline Hydrolysis process. I live in Norman, Oklahoma and there is a local company that offers this process called Heavenly Pets. After looking at their website I knew immediately that it was what I wanted for Lilu. They were super nice and I liked that the process was environmentally friendly and I loved the fact that it was a more delicate touch for our sweet girl. We got a nice cedar box for her remains that we can keep with us forever as well as a certificate with a print of her nose and paw. This is absolutely adorable! They even offer a final viewing of your pet as a service if you would like. I will be doing the same thing with Marley when he passes away.
The last days are difficult. Nothing will change that. You will cry. If you’re like me, you will cry daily. Pets can often sense when you are upset. Try not to cry in front of your pet. This is tough and I’m guilty of doing it sometimes, but it’s hard not to. This guy has been your inspiration, your sidekick, your biggest fan, and your best friend, for so long. Make sure you have a good support system. You will need it. Don’t be afraid to talk about how your feeling about your pet to your support people. Share your feelings and encourage your family to share theirs.
In conclusion, Prepare yourself for your pet’s passing, but don’t let it interfere with your quality time and making memories with him/her in their last days. Don’t let your pet feel like they are a burden in any way. They won’t be there long. You don’t want to have any regrets. Life is beautiful, death is natural and presents itself much too quickly.
#sayinggoodbye #losingapet #deathofapet #mansbestfriend #makingmemorieswithyourpet
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