Dating… It’s a scary word. We’ve all been there. Some people are still there. Nonetheless, it is a necessary task if you do not want to spend the rest of your life alone. But, it doesn’t have to be painful. Dating is like a labyrinth and if you want to win, you have to deem yourself David Bowie, The Goblin King.
Here is some love-guiding Bowie advice:
“The Greatest Thing You’ll Ever Learn Is To Love And Be Loved In Return”
~David Bowie~
There is nothing else like love. Once you have it, you never want to be without it again. If you’ve been hurt from it, you may be scared to try to have it again. You can’t give up. You can’t let bad experiences dictate the rest of your life’s happiness. I have been divorced twice and am on my third marriage. I am forty-three years old. Some people have laughed at me, many people have judged me, some have even called me a failure, but I don’t care. I am genuinely happy! If it takes three times, it takes three times. As I said before… it is a game. We cannot pretend to know every single thing about a person. Things happen in relationships that we can in no way always see coming.
“In Your Fear, Seek Only Peace. In Your Fear, Seek Only Love.“
~David Bowie~
I know people that are terrified to leave a marriage or relationship because of insecurity. They are worried they won’t be able to find someone else, they are worried about money, they are worried about what people will think of them, but are they concerned enough about their own happiness and their children(s) (if they have them) to get out of a bad situation? This was me, and if my story inspires even one person than I am glad to tell more about it. Yes, people ridiculed me behind my back, but at least I had the guts to get out of a situation that I was miserable in and so were my children. I pursued my own happiness and that is exactly what I got! It took me three tries and many years of relationships, failures, and dating mishaps before I found one that works! Jack and I are like peas and carrots!
“The Moment You Know You Know You Know”
~David Bowie~
So, if you are ready for 2020 to be a different year for you in dating, try some of these tips to rev up your game. They might just be what you need to flip your mindset.
Change the game– When you feel like your current scene/situation is not working well, change it up. I always say, “If you don’t like the way things are going, you must CHANGE what you are doing”. Things will not typically change on their own in the dating world. You have to take the reigns and make it what you want.
- If you are waiting for the right person to come along, you could be waiting forever. Things are different now than they were thirty years ago. Ditch the stigma that goes along with Match, EHarmony, or other online dating sites. Get out in public. Be Sociable, go out with friends, walk your dog, attend a new yoga class, go to the gym, look for weekly events to attend on Facebook local. *Hint* If you find things you enjoy doing and you meet someone there, you already have something in common.
- If you are waiting for the other party to call you – STOP waiting! Move on! If they were going to call they would have. How many other people are you missing out on waiting for that ONE person to call?
- Stop chasing! Love games, manipulation, social stalking, ghosting, who has time for that? Who really wants to deal with that? Is that really how you want to land a mate? No. What you really want is to ATTRACT the right person.
Spend some time on yourself – What have you done for yourself lately? If you’re not taking care of yourself physically and emotionally, you’re not going to be a very nice catch for anyone else. Take a look at yourself in the mirror. What do you need? Look at yourself from another person’s perspective. Would you want to date you?
Guys – It’s all about nice grooming. Your beard should be trimmed regularly or face clean-shaven. Get a haircut if need be. Look at your teeth. If you think girls aren’t looking at things like that, you’re nuts! Get some teeth whitening strips and keep some mouthwash on hand. Your nails should be trimmed and clean. Take care of your face, including blemishes. Shower daily. Cologne or body spray – yes, but in moderation. You must think about these things. If you’re wearing wrinkled up clothes that smell like the garage, you might need to bust out the iron and/or take a trip to the store or order some new threads online. Make sure your wardrobe is age-appropriate. No great girl wants to be seen with a guy that is forty sporting the Aeropostle getup. Spruce up your game. Make an effort. If you need help with this, just jump on Pinterest or Google and search “Men’s clothing for age thirties” or whatever your age bracket. You can even type in your style such as hipster, conservative, etc…
For yourself – Get a massage, have a guy’s night, veg out on video games for a while, or splurge on those new kicks you’ve been eyeing. If you feel relaxed and confident, she WILL notice. Make sure you wear a smile.
Ladies – Take pride in your appearance. Anyone who says it’s not about looks is a liar. Well, it’s not ALL about looks, but let’s be honest, it plays a big part. How long has it been since you updated your look? Are you still wearing the same hairstyle you wore in high school? Yikes! It’s time for a change. You’re not sixteen anymore. You’re a grown woman, look and act like it! Pinterest is full of hairstyles and makeup that are appropriate and stylish for your age group. Same with your wardrobe. Don’t be that woman that is in her late thirties still trying to look twenty-one. If your clothes are old, treat yourself to some newer, more stylish outfits. If you are trying to attract new people, it might be difficult to do in clothes that do not make you feel attractive. Check your teeth, whiten if need be. You can get these at most stores and they are inexpensive. Nails don’t have to be perfectly manicured from the salon but should be trimmed nicely and at least and filed or painted. It’s up to you, whatever your style is. Take care of your face. Exfoliate, take care of blemishes, and imperfections that are within your reach. Get your brows waxed. How is your makeup game? Is it time for a makeover? Most guys do NOT like a ton of makeup or “fake” look. They like mostly natural-looking makeup. Wear a light scented fragrance without going overboard.
For yourself – Get a massage, pedicure, manicure, have a ladies’ night, or go on a shopping spree. Get a facial, dive into a new book uninterrupted, go see a movie, or take a long bath. If you’re not taking care of yourself, it WILL show. You WEAR confidence and stress. Men will notice this. Always wear a smile.
“Gentleness Cleans The Soul. Love Cleans The Mind And Makes It Free.” -“Fill Your Heart”
~David Bowie”
Ask Questions – Who says you can’t ask questions? You SHOULD be asking questions BEFORE the dating process begins. Especially in 2020, safety should always be a priority. Get to know this person a little before the date. It’s sort of like an interview. If you don’t like this person on the phone or Facetime, why would you sacrifice precious personal time further with them? Even worse, if they seem creepy – they probably are. Don’t meet them in person. Also, make sure someone knows where you are if you do go on a date with someone. If something happens – they know where to find you. You can’t be too careful.
Have a List Ready – Most people already know what they want in a mate. Make a list of what you want. Then, make a list of questions to ask the person you might date in accordance with what you are looking for. If they are not answering your questions in a manner that pleases you, there is no reason to go any further. Don’t waste your time. If their goals are not in tune with yours, what is the point?
The Next Step – They passed your test! Now what? They get to move on to the next level. It’s DATE TIME!!
“I’ll Paint You Moments Gold, I’ll Spin You Valentine Evenings.”
~David Bowie~
The First Date – The first date is important. Obviously, look your best, prepare yourself. Go through your grooming checklist; Teeth, breath, clothes, nails, face, hair, and scent. Some basic etiquette:
- Turn your phone OFF!! Nothing is more of a turn off than the other party that keeps looking at their phone when they are supposed to be focused on you…
- Don’t be afraid to order a glass of wine. This can really help take the edge off at the beginning of the date. I can’t tell you how many times a glass of wine saved me from becoming Stuttering Stanley. However, don’t go overboard and get sloshed on your first date. ?
- Compliment the other party where appropriate! “I really like your jacket.” This eases tension and raises confidence.
- Don’t be overly eager. It’s a fine line, but it’s good if you can keep these things in check. You don’t want to appear desperate for a mate.
- Be a good listener and engage in the conversation. No one likes to hear crickets when they are talking. It’s really awkward.
- Don’t talk their ear off. Be talkative, but make sure they get some time in as well. Also, don’t interrupt.
- Be interesting. Talk about things that are fun in your life. Things you do for fun and things that make you happy.
- Don’t hesitate to be witty. Being too prim and proper is kind of boring to most people. It makes them feel like they can’t loosen up.
- Share your passion and dreams in life. It’s attractive to meet people that have dreams and goals to pursue those dreams.
- Do NOT talk about your previous relationships. Unless however, the other party does first and they are briefly discussed and in a positive manner.
- Don’t complain. I think this needs no explanation. No one likes a Negative Nancy.
Be laid-back and spontaneous – This is attractive. This will help to create a carefree atmosphere that will release tension. The adventurous person is fun and magnetizing. Nobody wants to be in a boring relationship. This is why many people are scared of marriage and being in a relationship. Make a conscious effort to always be this person. This person is excited to face the future and what it holds. The unknown is a journey that you welcome.
“I Don’t Know Where I’m Going From Here, But I Promise It Won’t Be Boring.”
~David Bowie~
What Next? – Legit relationships take time. They are not rushed. Get to know each other, let it bloom. If this is not done, you could miss things… important things – red flags, emotional baggage, mental instabilities, etc… If you’re rushing, you could come off as desperate and scare the other party away. Then you will end up right where you began.
“I’ll Place My Love Beneath The Stars”
~David Bowie~
Intimacy – Women and men both have sexual needs and it can be difficult to hold back the desire to be intimate when you meet someone, especially if things are going well. However, it is in your best interest to withdraw from this activity if the other party has made it clear they are not interested in a serious relationship. This is especially true for women. Men will usually not hesitate to make their intentions known openly if they are asked about a commitment.
Friendship – A lot of people probably roll their eyes at this one, but it’s important. Are you dating a person you can be friends with? To fall in love with someone, you have to “like” them too. There is a difference. You can love a person without liking them very much. Believe me. Do you find yourself lusting after them, but don’t really enjoy spending quality time with them? This is a problem if you are looking for a serious relationship. Being friends is a great foundation for a stable relationship in the future. If you enjoy being around each other and the attraction is more than physical, the odds are definitely in your corner.
“If You Say Run, I’ll Run With You”
~David Bowie~
In conclusion, ultimately be yourself but be the best you that you can be. We can all better ourselves. Don’t change your personality unless it is negative traits that need changing. Focus on yourself, stay confident, and positive and you will attract better prospects.
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