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50 Fall Date Ideas 

by | Aug 4, 2020 | Relationships

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“Those who dream by day are cognisant of many things which escape those who dream only by night”

Edgar Allan Poe

50 Fall Date Ideas 

Fall is officially here! The hot summer days are cooling and we are about to trade our tank tops in for sweaters and scarves. Yay! Who doesn’t love the weather this time of year? It’s PERFECT to get outside and do more things since it is not too hot and not too cold. It’s also absolutely BEAUTIFUL with all of the changing colors and the falling leaves. There are so many awesome date ideas for the fall. Many of them are cliche’, but here are some UNIQUE ones that are guaranteed to you insure you BOTH having a STELLAR time! 

  1. Visit a Pumpkin Patch
  2. Play in the Fallen Autumn Leaves

Remember how much fun it was to build those huge piles of leaves and jump in them? Relive those childhood memories together! 

  1. Build a Fall Wreath Together

A truly wonderful fall couple craft is building a wreath together! You can use grave vines, evergreens, or if you prefer a less natural option, you can choose burlap or mesh materials. Get crafty with your add-ons. Choose from acorns to berries, ribbons to glitter, find options that match your personalities. 

  1. Fall Foliage Road Trip

There’s nothing quite like experiencing all that beauty together on the road. The rich reds, the bright yellows, the burning orange, and the vivid greens accenting the twisting roads. Make sure you make plenty of stops for breathtaking views and photo opportunities. Take it all in! 

  1. Visit a renaissance festival

These festivals are full of fun and excitement! You can usually dress up in costume and there is a ton of great food and drinks. Often, there are great shows and live jousting events. You can’t go wrong with a renaissance festival. 

  1. Fall Flavors Beer Tasting

All the great new flavors of Fall surface around August and September. These radical flavors include maple, pecan, walnut, cinnamon, caramel, vanilla, cranberries, and of course, pumpkin. It’s an experience on its own just to sample some of the many tastes of the fall beer selections that arise each year. 

  1. Watch the Sunset

Sunset viewing is always romantic. In the fall, there is something even more gloriously romantic about it. 

  1. Go on a Picnic

Grab a blanket and a basket and pack some items you both enjoy. Maybe throw in a bottle of wine or champagne and head to your favorite park with nothing else but yourselves and maybe a camera. Leave the phones turned off for this. Just enjoy each other’s company and conversation! 

  1. Blanket stargazing

What a great way to bond! Look at the stars together. Share your visions and what you see. Just the two of you under the sky. It feels like you are the only beings in the entire world at that moment. 

  1. Visit a Duck Pond

Grab your guy/girl and head to your fave pond and feed the ducks, swans, and geese together. However, instead of reaching for a bag of bread, take some corn, seeds, oats, lettuce, or greens to feed them. Bread is not good for their diet and can cause them some health defects. Make sure to break the pieces up small enough for them to digest easily. Don’t forget to snag some great pics of you and your partner! 

  1. Visit a Local Animal Shelter

These animals are bursting with love and are desperate for attention. There is nothing more rewarding than volunteering a few moments with these sweets souls. Simply take them for a walk or just spend some time playing with them. 

  1. Attend a Local Animal Rescue Adoption Event

Once again, this is food for your soul. These animals have so much to give and all they want in return is a little love and attention. You might even find your next family member! Consider volunteering your time at one of these events such as Heartland Husky Rescue in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, or helping out with whatever these agencies might need. They often are in dire need of help and have very little or no funding at all. They rely solely on volunteers and donations. Walk a dog, bathe a dog, ask how you and your significant other can help. It’s a wonderful bonding activity for you both and the animals will truly benefit from it!  

  1. Go Kite Flying

This is truly a fun activity that people have forgotten. It is so great! Who doesn’t love flying kites? Find a great place where there are not a lot of trees and power lines for the kites to get stuck in. Half the fun is choosing your kites at the store or online. You can choose one that matches your personality! So fun!!! 

  1. Carve and Decorate Pumpkins

What once was an exciting childhood craft is still loads of fun! You can paint them, use glitter glue, or if you’re gifted, carve a neat face. 

  1. Apple Picking

Visit your local orchard for some romantic apple picking. What a neat experience for both of you! Grab a couple of baskets and get ready for some old fashioned fun! 

  1. Get Lost Together in A Corn Maze

One of those fun Fall past times. Seriously, the weather is perfect for this. Get lost. How romantic?!? 

  1. Have One Last Camping Trip

Camping trips are always awesome, especially with your honey. Autumn is perfect for camping. Pack a warm blanket and plenty of fixings for s’mores and hot apple cider. This is the most charming way to spend a weekend together. 

  1. Stay in Bed Together All Weekend

Sounds great, doesn’t it? Totally veg out, binge watch your favorite shows, movie series, talk, pillow fight, and have take-out! What are you waiting for?!? 

  1. Go Exploring

There are so many wonderful things to discover in the Fall. Plan a hike, go for a walk, take your dogs, explore a new space, search for new treasures. Who knows what you will find! 

  1. Take a Local Ghost Tour

There are plenty of ghost tours these days in any town. Sign up for one for a good scare and you may just learn a little something you didn’t know about your hometown. 

  1. Visit a Local Winery

Support your local winery and schedule a visit. They often have guided tours where you can learn about the history of their vineyards, their wines, and how they got their start. The best part is, there is always wine tasting and they usually have their prime products out for guests! 

  1. Attend a Rugby Match

Fall means rugby! If you’ve never witnessed a rugby match, you’re missing out. Football is great, but rugby is a whole different animal and you are guaranteed a good show! Rugby is a very unique game and super interesting to see. You OWE it to yourselves to see a rugby match. 

  1. Take a Bike Ride Around Town

Autumn is awesome for bike rides in your community. You will discover things you never knew were going on in your town. The beauty you can take in with a bike ride is unmatched. You will experience things that you just cannot witness from a vehicle. 

  1. Bake a Pie

There is something about baking together. It is romantic and playful at the same time. You are building something together, and food ALWAYS brings people together. Besides, who doesn’t love pie??? There are so many options. Pumpkin, apple, lemon meringue, cherry, chocolate, key lime, buttermilk, etc… 

  1. Build a Fire

Fires are perfect in the Fall. You can sit together on the porch on the swing and watch the fire. Have a glass of wine together and talk while listening to music. 

  1. Have a Horror Flick Marathon

Make a compilation of your favorite scary movies and have a movie marathon. What’s your fave? Michael Myers? Jason Vorhees? Freddy Krueger? Maybe take turns choosing your favorite flicks. 

  1. Shop For Couple Costumes

Plan a fun couple costume look and go shopping for them, or better yet, make the costumes yourselves! Be creative! 

  1. Go Antiquing

Treasure hunting! It’s so much like it. You never know what you’re going to find and that is half the excitement! 

  1. Visit a Haunted Attraction

October is Halloween month and there are tons of haunted houses, theme parks, forests, mansions, hayrides, etc… This is a super fun time that typically only happens once a year, so embrace the suspense! 

  1. Stay in a Cozy Cabin

There are so many great cabins you can book for a short or extended stay. What a great way to spend the weekend or an entire week! Snuggle under a blanket on the porch while sipping some hot apple cider or hot cocoa. Having this quiet time for the two of you is no doubt awesome quality time. There are so many things to do at the lake. You can go hiking, fishing, kayaking, you can grill out, drink some wine, and there are sometimes hot tubs and pool tables in these cabins! 

  1. Attend a Fall Festival

Fall festivals are packed full of Fall fun. They have everything from pumpkin baked goods to games, to crafts, displays, beer, and music! What are you waiting for?!? 

  1. Savor the Season on Horseback

It’s a beautiful time of year for an enchanted horseback ride. Find a local stable in your community that offers horseback riding and take your honey for a date that is sure to please. 

  1. Take a Motorcycle Ride

Motorcycle rides are always fun, but Fall is radical time for one because the air is crisp and the colors are so vivid and fresh. You can experience so much autumn allurement this way and, of course, it’s a great rush! 

  1. Sip a HotToddieor an Old Fashioned 

These are great Autumn cocktails to enjoy, preferably on a patio with a chiminea and some great music. 

  1. Spend the Night in a Haunted B&B

Bed & Breakfasts are always a good time, but even more fun when they are haunted! You can research one in your community and learn a lot that you probably didn’t know, including real factual events that may have happened right in your own backyard. You can cuddle up together and listen for strange noises or other paranormal activities in the house. Often, the hosts will have photo albums and stories they love to share about the house and the families that previously resided there. 

  1. Snap Pics of Fall Foliage

Make a lovely day of picture taking with your partner of all things Fall. There is so much charm in this season, you will want to capture so much of it. Don’t forget the selfies of the two of you! These can make great gifts or home decor later. You will have these memories to keep forever. 

  1. Roast Hot Dogs & S’mores

Bust out the grill and the graham crackers! Who doesn’t love to grill? Autumn is peak s’mores season! This date is sure to put a smile on both your faces. 

  1. Make Caramel Apples

Caramel apples are a forgotten art. They are so fun to make. They are perfect for putting you in the Fall spirit! 

  1. Visit the Zoo

The zoo is so hot in the summer. The animals are often so hot the don’t even bother coming out of their homes. This time of year is great for visiting the zoo. The animals are out and more interactive. You can make an entire day of this date. Pack some snacks and don’t forget your camera! 

  1. Participate in a Chili Cookoff

Chili cookoffs are notorious for Fall events and they are often for a good cause such as raising funds for a local charity. Who doesn’t love chili in the Fall? You will have a blast making chili with your own personal touches and ingredients. Which one wins? And you can taste other new varieties while you’re at it! 

  1. Have Pumpkin Pancakes For Breakfast

Pumpkin pancakes are the best! You can have them for breakfast to celebrate the season. Add a few walnuts or chocolate chips if you like! 

  1. Go Fishing

If you enjoy fishing, it can be a fun date. Even if you are not a great fisherman, it’s still a good time. 

  1. Go Hiking in the Woods

The woods are gorgeous in Autumn. It’s a great spot for a hike. Don’t forget to take a blanket and a thermos of hot coffee or spiced tea so you can stop for a break and soak it all in. 

  1. Relax at a Coffee Shop

Speaking of coffee… do you realize how many different Autumn coffee flavors there are? Fall is king for coffee. And, there are always a ton of awesome Fall treats to indulge in with it such as coffee cake, pumpkin muffins, brownies, apple pie, and snickerdoodles. 

  1. Go on a Hayride

Hayrides are good Fall fun. You can usually find one at your local farm, pumpkin patch or fall festival. 

  1. Get Chased By Zombies

Most towns now have a zombie escape run that you can pay to participate in. Some include laser tag, paintball, and some are escape rooms. This can prove to be a very unique Fall date with your lover if you are both up for it. Make sure you are up for running. Some of those zombies are fast! It is loads of fun! 

  1. Participate in a Murder Mystery

Murder mysteries are very popular now. Sometimes you can even find a Groupon for one getting you a super good deal. These are gnarly date ideas because you both get to dress up and play a part in a story with several other people in a setting that usually involves a lovely dinner. This one definitely ranks high on the date satisfaction list. 

  1. Attend a Halloween Party

Halloween parties are the best kind of parties! Most people dress up in costume, there are fun treats, candy, games, trivia, scavenger hunts, music, and festive drinks! You can enjoy your inner child. Points for choosing excellent couple costumes! 

  1. Attend aBalloonfest

Like hot air balloons? There are often hot air balloon festivals that you can venture out to. Make sure to bring some lawn chairs or blankets to sit on. You might even be able to pay extra to ride in one yourselves! Yay Yay! Hot air balloon day! 

  1. Get Tickets To Rocky Horror Picture Show

If you’ve never done this, shame on you! You have seriously cheated yourselves !! I don’t care if you have to drive an hour away to find a theater performing one, YOU OWE IT TO YOURSELVES to find it!!! YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED!!! This may very well be the best date entertainment of the Fall season. The movie will be played. Appropriate prop bags are typically sold. Actors/Actresses will be chosen from the audience to play out the roles of the cast. Many of the attendees of this event dress up as characters from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. However, many people choose to attend as their own Halloween costume of choice for the night, (if the show is, indeed on all Hallow’s Eve). Damnit Janet! Oh, Brad! 

#datenight #falldateideas #datenightblues #fall #autumn #thingstodointhefall 

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Codependency & Relationships 

by | Jun 5, 2020 | Relationships

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“Those who dream by day are cognisant of many things which escape those who dream only by night”

Edgar Allan Poe

Codependency & Relationships 

Co-dependency… It’s an interesting topic. But, do you know The true meaning? Codependency can mean different things to different people. For instance, there is a codependence of the alcohol and substance abuse type. That is an entirely different subject. The codependency that I speak of is the psychological type. Warning: This blog may blow your mind! ? Are you codependent? Do you know someone that might be? 

Sadly, there is little awareness of codependency in today’s society. Therefore, many people suffer silently from it and may not even know that they have the issue. These people suffer day in and day out from this often debilitating condition.  

You will not find codependency in the clinical handbook of psychological disorders. This is because it is not a psychological disorder, neither is it a personality disorder as some people would believe. It is more of a behavioral trait. Codependency is an unhealthy reliance on others in order to achieve a sense of identity. 

Codependency has the ability to make your relationships dysfunctional since they become one-sided in which one person heavily relies on the other for meeting practically all of their emotional and confidence needs.  

 

How codependency affects your life and your relationships. 

As a codependent person, you’re constantly looking for approval from someone else. You do this because you didn’t get it when you were a child. You want to be seen. You want to be noticed. You want to be recognized for your achievements. This is mostly because you were not noticed or recognized when you were a child. It doesn’t always have to be from a parental relationship. It could be from someone who is of great importance to you, such as a mentor or someone who raised you.  

This may have continued into adulthood in more mature relationships. Your significant other may not have given you the attention that you needed. They may not have been intimate with you, and by intimacy, I don’t mean just sexually, I mean conversationally emotionally, etc. Your significant other did not feed your soul. They were emotionally unavailable to you. They did not connect with you. They left you feeling unfulfilled, unloved and used.  

How does codependency transpire? 

Maybe your parents were emotionally unavailable when you were a child. You never felt like you could talk to them. One or both of your parents may have abandoned you. Your parents may have divorced. Your father may have left. Your mother may have left. They may have been killed in a car accident. You were left alone in the world. Growing up with feelings of abandonment can form codependency. 

 

Many individuals suffer from physical abuse as children. This can also manifest codependency. Verbal abuse, physical abuse, and sexual abuse can certainly form codependency in any person. When you become an adult, you feel like you must always be doing something in order to please the other person or that person may leave you. Do you feel as if you’ll never be good enough? Do you feel that you always must be doing things for other people to prove your worth? This is the way that you “earrn” love and attention and to keep someone’s love as a codependent.  

How do I know if I am codependent? Let us count the ways. 

  • Low self-esteem – Feeling like you’re not good enough and constantly picking at yourself? You feel guilty about spending time and money on yourself or doing anything for yourself. You may also be a perfectionist and if everything isn’t 100% perfect you blame yourself and doubt your worth.  
  • People Pleaser – You’re a people pleaser. You’re always striving to make everyone happy. There’s nothing wrong with that to a point, obviously. However, these things must have boundaries. It goes without saying that we cannot please everyone all the time. It would kill us to try. I know this from experience. I am very much a perfectionist and a people pleaser. I want everyone to be happy and to get along but I have learned through time and my path to discovering freedom from codependency that I cannot please everyone. It is impossible, and more importantly, it is unhealthy. You must let go of some things. We cannot continue to sacrifice our own needs and our feelings for someone else. How many of you are doing this right now, today? How do you think this is affecting your life? How do you think this is affecting your health? How do you think this is affecting your relationships? What is left of us if we are giving it all to others? How can you be helpful and significant to other people if we have nothing left of ourselves to give? 
  • Inadequate Boundaries – If you don’t know what boundaries are, then you should probably listen up here. We all know what physical boundaries are. Emotional boundaries are pretty much the same. You have to cut yourself off at some point as mentioned above in the previous paragraph. Imagine a wall between you and the things that you have been sacrificing all of your energy on. Imagine your feet standing on masking tape on the floor. You cannot cross the tape. On the other side of the tape is the person you’ve been giving all of your energy to. It’s the child that you’ve been doing everything for. It’s the coworker you just can’t say no to. It’s the school moms or dads that are asking you to volunteer just one more time. Plant your feet and stand your ground. It’s time to change. You can not cross the line. You must say no. 
  • Knee-jerk reaction – Does this sound like anyone you know? Many codependents are involved in everyone else’s thoughts and feelings. For example, A group of people at the office is having a conversation and you find yourself getting upset because you don’t agree with what they’re saying you may choose to defend your view and butt your way into the conversation. The things that are being said offend you on a higher level because your “floor tape” is missing. There needs to be a boundary there. The way you can change your thinking here is to be more optimistic and tell yourself this is just the opinion of your colleagues and it has nothing to do with you. You are not a part of their conversation, therefore you should not take offense by it. 
  • Caregiving – This is when someone else’s problem is always your problem. Do you find yourself wanting to help people so much that you turn your back on yourself and your own personal needs to make the other person’s situation work for them? Once again, it is okay to help people, but if it seems excessive it probably IS! You need to back up a little bit and re-evaluate your motivation. Some of us also need to learn the hard way. Do you have a friend or a family member that you find yourself always having to pull out of trouble or always wanting to help? This person might have a specialty for drawing in drama and you’re never going to win that battle. There comes a time in someone’s life when they have to take control of their own situation. Until they do that, no one can help them, not even you. 
  • Control Freak – Hey, I never said any of these things were going to be easy to swallow. The facts remain… You’re a control freak. There’s not a lot to explain here. Do you find yourself wanting to control every situation? Do you have poor boundaries? This can present in so many different ways. You might be a workaholic, you might be very territorial, maybe constantly fixated on your family schedule, you may be very particular about your children’s discipline, or you may never want your significant other to go anywhere without you. Control freaks sometimes also have addictive personalities. Not having healthy outlets, we many times tend to stuff our feelings. This way we feel less exposed. Control helps a codependent person feel safe with no surprises. Controlling other people and their behaviors help codependents feel they can manage their life and their feelings.  
  • Dysfunctional Communication – Codependents find it difficult to talk about their feelings and needs. If you truly don’t know what to think or how you feel about the issue, how can you begin to heal or have any kind of healthy communication or relationships? However, if you harbor how you feel and/or what you need because you don’t want to hurt someone else or rock the boat is a different situation. You’re avoiding confrontation. We should have no problem saying, “Hey I don’t feel good about that”, or, “I think we should try this instead”. But, it’s difficult for us to do that. By doing this we are only lying to ourselves and deceiving other people. What everyone else thinks or what we think I need is okay, but really it’s not. This is no one’s fault but our own. IT IS OKAY TO SPEAK UP and YOU MUST SPEAK UP!!! Your sanity and the strength and endurance of your relationships depend on it. 
  • You Obsess – Humans that are codependent obsess about their relationships. This is because of their dependency on those relationships as well as their thoughts and doubts. They may also get really stressed out if they think they have made a wrong choice or done something wrong. We put love on such a high mantle because we desire it so much since we had such a large absence of it when we were young. We have such a desperate need for a loving bond and closeness to escape the pain and loneliness that has scarred our hearts and minds. 
  • Denial – The major factors don’t have any behavioral retreat. Many people deny they have an issue, nor do they actually realize it. We cannot begin the path to healing until we face our reality head-on. This is when we can truly begin to change and see the positive transformations in our lives. Often, some people will even shift the blame to others or the situation. Back to some of the other points in which we are trying to fix other people and taking the focus off of ourselves where the true issue lies. This is a cycle that will never end until you ask for help. Fist bump if this is you – “I’m fine. I’m good. I’m great. I’m all set here.” Liar! You’re in denial. Are you really good? Are you really fine? What do you need? It’s okay to ask for love. It’s okay to ask for intimacy. It’s okay to ask for more attention and time for yourself. These things are healthy. Be honest with yourself and the people that love you. There IS a better way. If you do not have a good support system, GET ONE! 
  • Issues With Intimacy – This is not just about sex. This is also about being close and open with someone. It’s about communication on a deeper level. There are reasons codependents have issues with this. You might worry and feel like you’ll be judged by the other party if you truly open up and say how you feel and what you need. Meanwhile, others may be confused. He/she may think that you don’t want to be intimate or close. It’s a scary thing to feel all of these emotions. However, we must learn to trust those we love. If they truly love us, they will be patient, kind, and understanding. They will truly want to hear us and learn from us. They will want to fulfill our needs and help us to become more intimate so that our relationship may be more fortified. We must trust our own feelings and needs. We must open our hearts and let our desires be known. What a wonderful feeling to say these things out loud to those we love! How liberating! 
  • Painful emotions – Being codependent is stressful. It can cause emotions that leave us feeling guilt and low self-esteem, which in turn can peek our anxiety and fear of being judged, rejected, and abandoned. This, in turn often leads to making poor choices which, (in the mind of a codependent) is capped by failure or trapped by being close or being alone. Sometimes emotions even lead to anger depression and despair. Any of these things can leave us just feeling numb in general. 

What can I do if I am codependent? How can I modify my life?  

There are many ways codependents can modify their lives. The most important things you can do is to make the decision to NOT let it dictate your life! It certainly doesn’t need to!  

  • Set goals for yourself 
  • Start small 
  • Follow through 
  • Communicate 
  • Take care of you 
  • Make daily changes 
  • Get a support system 
  • Work with a life and relationship coach (I would love to help you!) 
  • Make yourself accountable 
  • Don’t give up 

If this blog struck a chord with you and you would like more information on working with me on a deeper level for codependency, please choose a time on my calendar for a free discovery call! ✨#codependent #codependence #livingwithcodependency #takeyourlifeback #changenow #codependency 

 

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8 Communication Blockers ~ Feeling Disconnected? Uncover the source & Correct it. 

by | Jun 5, 2020 | Relationships

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“Those who dream by day are cognisant of many things which escape those who dream only by night”

Edgar Allan Poe

8 Communication Blockers ~ Feeling Disconnected? Uncover the source & Correct it. 

In these times, I get the luxury (or maybe the curse) to do even more deep soul digging than usual which may and probably does drive some people that I know nuts! However, I am often left alone with my thoughts which can be scary, but also a real eye-opener. My mind, after all, is a very quirky, interesting, inquisitive, and sometimes dangerous place. I know that not everyone is the same. Some people will understand what I am speaking of and some people might think it’s pure nonsense. I get both sides. Some people, sadly, don’t even understand the real meaning of optimism. 

The deep soul digging topic afront my mind lately is interpersonal communication. So many relationships are built on falseness and pretending. Why are we okay with this? Why can’t we just be ourselves? Shouldn’t people love us as we are? Why can’t we say what is on our mind without being terrified of the repercussions? I often find myself searching for “the correct answer or behavior” that the other person desires in fear of rejection, disappointment, confrontation, or even verbal crucifixion for my opinion or general conversation. 

These times often leave me thinking, (when I do choose to say what is on my mind)… “Is this person even listening? Do they really care what I have to say? Are you one of these individuals? Are you on the other side? In between? There are so many different categories I can put this in. Oooh! This will be so much fun! 

  1. The Nodder~

“Yeah… I totally get ya. I hate when people do that.” … (Has no earthly idea… just nodding and looking for any excuse to leave the conversation). Good intentions, but nevertheless… 

  1. The Phone Junkie~

You’re pouring your heart out about something really deep or important and the receiver is doing the sly left-handed text under the table, or quick Facebook “like” because they are ADDICTED. They’re doing the occasional, “hahaha”, or “Mhm”. Really bruh? While you’re at it, could you just go ahead and club me in the face with your phone? Because that’s about how important this conversation feels. You will NEVER win with this person because the phone will ALWAYS be #1. 

  1. The ADHD~

I can’t talk crap on this one because I can relate. However, I will be upfront and honest with you. I will ask you to repeat yourself if I missed an important detail as well as ask you to slap me in the face for my douchebaginess. Yes, I made that word. You’re welcome. 

  1. The Asshole~

This person just doesn’t give a damn about you or anything you could care about at all and they make it blatantly obvious. Let’s be honest… they don’t care about anyone. How could you ever carry on a conversation with this person? You might be able to have a fun night out with this twat, but you will never be best mates or soul mates. They only care about themselves. You can’t compete with this, so say goodbye or keep it on a long leash. 

  1. The Liar~

You can’t even begin a conversation with this person because they will always have a better one – why? It’s made up! They always have an excuse. Why they can’t meet up, why they can’t help you move (friend), why they didn’t get you anything for your birthday (significant other), why they were talking smack!!! They lie so well sometimes they might actually have you believe their story. You always find yourself thinking, “Hmm… something just seems sketchy about this situation/story”. There’s a reason for that feeling. Stuff it or let it surface. There’s a reason it’s there. It’s called intuition and you ALWAYS end up getting hurt, so say goodbye or keep your distance. 

  1. The Taker~

Yup, you guessed it… All they do is take. You find yourself always giving but never receiving. You always listen to them talk, but they never listen to you. Do they EVER ask about you or the things that are important in your life? You try so hard to make the relationship work because you want it so bad. Maybe they remind you of a past relationship/friendship or you just really like them. So, you find yourself bending till you break. Take a step back my friend. What is really happening here? 

  1. The Chronic Interrupter~

They love to hear themselves talk. They don’t even need to talk unless someone else begins to talk. Then, all of a sudden they have an urgent need to butt in like they had no clue anyone else was speaking. SO rude. You try again to speak, but nope… interrupted again. You try thrice… DENIED!!! Good luck with your conversing with this poor soul. Their topic is obviously WAY more important. 

  1. The Judge, Jury & Executioner~

This personal listens intently to what you have to say. However, they are very judgemental. You might want to be selective with what you share with this individual. You drink too much, you eat too much, you’re nuts, you’re melodramatic, you’re emo, you wear too much black, you wear too much makeup, you look like crap, you don’t make enough money. And, then there’s another side… You’re not a good mom/dad. You just need to lose weight, get a divorce, get re-married, have more friends, eat more food, exercise more, get a better job, and don’t have so many dogs. The dog comment alone probably got this person exed. 

Is it you? Are you this person #1-#8? Well, that’s okay if you choose to change it. At least you have been able to identify it. Maybe you’re only this way sometimes. Maybe you’re a combo. The question is… are you man/woman enough to do something about it and not let it harm your relationships for the rest of your life? Be a better friend, husband, wife, parent, sibling, child, co-worker, acquaintance, or bartender. Yes… bartender. You have no idea of the impact of communication on people in your life. Not just your very close circle (especially that), but all people you commune with. 

#bettercommunication #betterrelationtionships #dontsettle #youdeservehappiness 

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The Importance of Financial Unification in Your Relationship 

by | Jun 4, 2020 | Relationships

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“Those who dream by day are cognisant of many things which escape those who dream only by night”

Edgar Allan Poe

The Importance of Financial Unification in Your Relationship 

Everyone wants the ease and enjoyment of a phenomenal relationship, but in order to achieve that status and keep it, we have to have stellar, consistent communication. That communication must also include discussions about finances. 

It is extremely important for you and your partner to be on the same page about your finances. It is a whole new level of trust and dedication, and if it can not be achieved, it will mean issues in your union later on. 

Here are some key points to help you on your journey whether it’s new or has room for improvement. 

? Saver VS. Spender – Typically, there is one saver in a relationship and one spender. Hopefully, there are not two spenders. Don’t let your personality differences tear you apart. Get out your notebooks, calculators, laptops, or whatever tools you prefer and get your crap on paper. You have to stop the bleeding if it’s happening and formulate a plan for financial peace. If one person is saving and the other person is spending, there is going to be a war in the future. Let’s face it, it’s really not cool. One person is working really hard to save and invest in the relationship and the family or whatever future, vacation, home, or dream you have. The other party is spending it up and not really paying attention to the damage they are doing. It may not be their fault. They may not even realize they are doing it. They may not have ever been taught how to budget. This is where communication comes in. 

? Create a Budget – This is a must. Start with your household bills. The utilities, rent, mortgage, cable, etc… Next, your car payments, insurance, cell phones, credit cards, gym membership, medical bills, etc… Lastly, list your personal junk. This would include groceries, gas, haircuts, car maintenance, prescriptions, clothing, lunch money, etc… Add up the damage. And guess what? It’s both of your damage together. It shouldn’t be separated. This is where it gets fun! The total number knockout might surprise you. This is why the budget is so important. The next thing to do is to get out your pay stubs and jot down your bring-home pay together. You know the rest. Hopefully, there is money left over after you pay all the bills. If there isn’t, you need to cut back somewhere. It’s always a good idea to be saving some if you can for the unexpected and if you would ever like to have a retirement or a vacation. 

These are the things you need to discuss with your partner. What are your dreams and your goals as a couple? If you are not on the same page here, it is wise to have some discussion and decide what is important to you both and make a plan for it to happen. Don’t go into the future blindly. It is not a good strategy. 

? Kids in Your Wallets – You can not let your kids dictate your wallets. Dave Ramsey discusses the relevance of discussing purchases with your partner prior to the event. It simply may not be in the budget. This is why these things must be discussed. He also suggests the value of helping kids “earn” the item they are wanting such as a video game or new toy they’ve been wanting. This also teaches them the value of a dollar as well as beginning a budget. It also teaches them work ethic. 

? Expectations Vs. Reality – When couples have unmet expectations, it can be detrimental to their relationship. This leaves a person feeling unhappy, unfulfilled, sad, or even bitter. If one person’s idea is to purchase a house in the first year of marriage and the other person is to rent, there is going to be some pretty big disappointment awaiting. According to Dave Ramsey, those in healthy marriages are twice as likely to share their financial strategies. 

? Joint Bank Accounts – It may sound cliche and old school, but it is for the best. There is a reason couples with shared bank accounts have strong financial bonds. They have more trust and honesty in their relationship. This is strongly advised for long-term and married couples. We shouldn’t be hiding things from our significant other. We should be free to make purchases without their approval on the occasion, yes. However, major decisions and large purchases should always be discussed before they happen. That is, if you would like to stay in your relationship or married. ? 

? Start a “FUN” fund – Don’t be all work and no play. “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” Make sure you go on a date at least a couple of times a month. It doesn’t have to be expensive either. It can be a picnic in the park or a couple of beers at the pub. You need that special time together or you will both go crazy. 

Also, Pick a reasonable amount you can both live with sacrificing from each paycheck and put it in a savings account or an adult piggy bank with a lock of sorts that you can’t easily get your hands on. Agree to keep it off-limits until you reach a goal amount that you both decide upon for a vacation, a romantic night out, a new grill, or whatever your little golden hearts may fancy. It will give you something to look forward to and something to work toward as a couple. It will make you feel like your efforts are not fruitless and you’re working for something besides just paying bills. Life is about more than work and money. If you don’t spend time together and have fun in life, it’s all for nothing. 

??? Re-cap – 

  1. Have the discussion and do it consistently.
  2. Find a balance between saver and spender.
  3. Identify your financial indifferences and meet in the middle.
  4. Formulate a budget you both can live with. Make sacrifices where you need to.
  5. Get the kids out of your wallets.
  6. Re-visit your expectations vs. your realities.
  7. Joint bank accounts – long term couples/married couples
  8. Start a “fun” fund.

#financialunification #healthyfinancialrelationship #moneytalks #saveyourrelationship 

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15 Telltale Signs You Have a Stellar Relationship With Your Dog 

by | May 4, 2020 | Pets, Relationships

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“Those who dream by day are cognisant of many things which escape those who dream only by night”

Edgar Allan Poe

15 Telltale Signs You Have a Stellar Relationship With Your Dog 

In light of the recent national dog day, here is a blog post that might help you decide what kind of relationship you have with your dog. How well do you think you know your dog? This should be interesting… 

  1. Talking– Certain dogs/breeds will “talk” to their owners as a sign of affection and happiness. It is, in a sense, a form of a bond. They are essentially communicating with you. Huskies are prone to this sort of mannerisms.
  2. Jumping Up– According to Ryan Rauch of Canine Journal, this is often more common in puppies when greeting their owners when they come home. They will jump to eye level in the excitement of your arrival, and also lick your mouth. This is another hint of his love.
  3. Ears Laid Back– This is a trait of relaxation. This dog is not worried about a thing. He feels completely comfortable around you. When a dog is on guard, their ears will be perked or forward.
  4. They Smile– Can a dog smile? Yes! Well, it appears so. Their relaxed mouths can turn upward at the corners in such a way that appears as a smile. Of course, this could be easily confused with panting after a long walk or run. Don’t get too flattered.
  5. Loosey-Goosey– Dogs that appear relaxed are at ease. If they appear tense – they are on the defense. A dog that is sprawled out on the floor like a bear-skinned rug is probably a pretty dang happy fur baby versus one that is always jumpy.
  6. Tail Swing– If the tail is swinging, it’s all good in the hood. Beware of a tail between the legs or a stiff tail. If your dog’s tail is knocking things over like a baseball bat, that is a good thing. You’ve got a happy dog. Some dogs are so dang happy, their whole body will move with their tail.Wowsa! That’s called a waggle-butt doggo. 
  7. The Bark– What’s that Lassie? Timmy is in trouble? What is your dog telling you with her bark? Is communication playful or aggressive and stern? It’s usually pretty easy to tell if it’s sweet or evil.
  8. Sleeping Where You Sleep– The Spruce Pets site says that even if you don’t allow your dog to slumber in your bed, but it still likes to sleep in your room, it is a true sign of love. This shows a sign of loyalty and desire to be with their pack.
  9. Touching you– Yes, dogs that admire their owners will physically want to touch them at times. It could be as simple as laying on their lap (lapdog syndrome), licking their feet, or laying on their legs while their humans relax.
  10. Extended Eye Contact– Just like humans, dogs that have a healthy relationship with their owner will engage in a good affectionate stare down with their doggie mama or daddy.
  11. Stealing Socks and Shoes or Other Weird Humanly Items – We’ve all seen it. They take our smelly socks, shoes, retainers, glasses, even our dirty underwear.Eew! This is because they love us. They long to be close to us. They even love our yuckiest scents. They might be the only ones. ? Sadly, they may destroy these items by chewing them up, so they might need a re-direct with an appropriate chew toy.
  12. They Bring You TheirFaveToy – This might be the highest honor of all. They have few possessions, and the very little they have – they are giving it to you. 
  13. Bodyguard Mode– Your dog is your security guard. He looks out for you. He may even know when you’re sick or in pain and lie by your side. He may follow you or just come check up on you periodically. How many humans do you know to do this?
  14. Rub My Belly– They roll over so you can rub their belly. If a dog doesn’t like you, she will not do this. This says, “I am comfortable with you.” They are allowing themselves to be completely vulnerable in this position.

Finally… drum roll please,… 

  1. Face Licking & Grooming You– This is the ultimate sign of his respect and love for you. He is showing you that you are the pack leader and he is happy and content in his place in the pack. He/she loves you and you should be honored.

#dogs #doggoals #puppylove 

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12 Reasons Why You Can’t Find Love 

by | Apr 4, 2020 | Relationships

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“Those who dream by day are cognisant of many things which escape those who dream only by night”

Edgar Allan Poe

12 Reasons Why You Can’t Find Love 

L-O-V-E… That four-letter word we all know so well. There are many different stages of life, but there is one thing we all internally long for; to love and be loved.  

The greatest thing you’ll every learn is just to love and be loved in return. 

David Bowie 

Finding love is not always easy. Most of us have gone to war with love and have the battle wounds to show for it. Often, these scars can make it difficult for us to love and trust again.  

Finding love doesn’t have to be dreadful unless we make it that way. Remember, dating is a big game so you might as well have some fun with it. If you are not having fun looking for love, you might as well quit now because you are not going to be any fun to be around. That kind of aura is not attractive to anyone. Believe me! 

Most of us have gone to war with love and have the battle wounds to show for it. 

Crystal Lacy 

So, give yourself a break. Relax and have a good time. Have a little fun with this. Don’t be so stiff about the whole idea. Remember, once you find your dream partner this whole thing will be over with. When you think about it, it’s kind of exciting meeting someone new and learning all about them. If it doesn’t work out, who cares… on to the next. You may even make a new friend out of it. Each person you meet that isn’t your match just moves you one step closer to the person that IS!!!  

At last, you have decided to open your heart and actively search for a partner. There are so many resources available today that were not present twenty years ago. There are so many people in this world. So, why can’t you find love? Why can’t you land a date? Why doesn’t anyone want to be with you? You’ve probably been through some of these questions: 

  • What’s wrong with me? 
  • I’m not pretty/handsome enough 
  • I don’t make enough money 
  • I’m too old 
  • I’m not smart enough 
  • I’m too young 
  • I’m not cool enough 
  • I don’t deserve her/him 

Do you think that these things are what is keeping you from your true love? Have you ever heard the phrase, “When you least expect to find love, it will appear”? Well, my friend, there is some truth to this.  

 

We often look so intensely and put forth so much effort to make everything perfect that we end up missing the point. It’s not a race nor a contest, though sometimes it may feel that way. Nevertheless, it’s a good idea to ask yourself some questions. 

  1. Why am I looking for love? This may sound simple, but it is the foundation for everything and it is very powerful. From here stems  many questions – hopefully you have answered your first question so now comes the next question which, by the way you cannot ask until you answer the first.  
  2. For what purpose? 
  3. What role am I looking to fulfill in a partner? 
  4. Why am I bringing to the table for a partner? 

Now, if you feel like you are having some trouble finding quality dates – here are some good questions to ask yourself: 

  1. What is stopping you from being in a relationship? This may sound silly, but it is a real question you need to ask. Amuse yourself with an answer… a real one. 
  2. What is stopping you from enjoying dating? 
  3. What is stopping you from finding a partner? 
  4. How do you feel when you are on a date? 
  5. What is the inner dialogue that is in your head when you are on a date? 
  6. What do you believe might happen if you go on a date with someone? 
  7. Are you hoping to fall in love and be with that person forever, or are you simply looking to fill a void in your life? 
  8. Is marriage what you seek and love has little to do with it?  
  9. Am I physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and financially ready for a committed relationship? 

These might seem like strange questions, but believe me, they are necessary to consider for the end result. 

Take a good look at these answers. Have you been sabotaging yourself? If it turns out that you are sabotaging yourself, there is always a reason. You must have some benefit for this. That may sound silly, but it is usually done unconsciously. 

  1. Self-Sabotage

Why do we do it???? There must be a benefit to us or we would not do it. We do this because there is some benefit to us. Unconsciously, there is an emotional, physical, or otherwise gain to us. Yes, it’s a little weird to think about but once again you more than likely are doing this unknowingly.  

What are these things? They can be many.  

The X-Factor 

You may not have let go of your ex You may be holding on to that memory of that person and you are not ready to move on you are sabotaging any new relationship.  

Things you could be doing if this is you include: 

  • Talking about your ex on dates/phone calls with potential dates. 
  • Still actively seeing/dating your ex when the relationship has ended. 
  • Grieving your ex (this is okay – you are just not ready for a new relationship). 
  • Doing things (errands, chores, etc.) for your ex. to try to stay in their favor. 
  • Allowing them to still call and email and visa versa. 
  • Stalking their social media. 

What needs to happen for you to be at peace with that relationship? You may never move on until you have answered this and many other questions and work through these issues. Especially if the relationship is dead. There are numerous other things that need to be addressed here. 

This is where coaching can be tremendously helpful. 

  1. Low Self-Esteem

Many people have this issue. Please remember, you have every right to higher standards. Don’t downplay yourself. You must also remember that confidence attracts confidence. People are attracted to confidence. They flock to it. It’s sexy. If you don’t know how to be confident or have lost your confidence, you need to read some self-help books or reach out to me for some one-on-one coaching. Confidence is key for being successful in almost anything in life.  

  1. Lack of Self-Love

If you don’t love yourself enough, how do you expect anyone else to love you? You may be looking for someone else to fill what makes you feel empty in the first place (the void). Often, those that are incapable of loving themselves, push others away, (most of the time unconsciously). They also, at times, don’t understand how anyone could ever love them. It’s tough when one has been in a previous relationship and has not felt love from their partner. It makes one feel like no matter what they do, they will never be worthy of love. However, we must come to accept the love that is bestowed upon us. We should all believe that we are worthy of love. 

  1. You’re Not Being “You”

“Be yourself”. You’ve heard that one before, right? Well, it’s true. Don’t change to impress someone else. First off, most quality dates can tell when you’re a phony. Just be your damn self! No one wants to be that guy – or wait, the other guy. What happens when you gain a partner that falls in love with “the other you”? Then, you have to try to fake that person forever? Ugh. No. You might even ask yourself why you’re boyfriend or girlfriend isn’t committing or the relationship isn’t going any further.  

The truth is… they don’t know who the fu@$ you are!! You are always putting on a front! They can’t figure you out. They don’t know if they like you or not. On the other hand, do you really want to be with someone that doesn’t love you for who YOU really are? That’s not what real love is! 

  1. You’re Looking for “Perfection”

There’s nothing wrong with knowing what you want. You should know what you want, but to expect the perfect person is just unrealistic. If you’re looking for 5’6″, blonde hair, blue-eyed bombshell, Charlize Theron look alike, you are going to find sad disappointment, my friend. Just be realistic. You need to be a little less harsh and a little more forgiving or you will be alone forever. 

  1. You’re Pushing It

You pretty much have the tux on order after your first date. You’re talking about marriage to people you’re dating. You can’t wait to be married. You can’t wait to be in a relationship. You’re pushing the issue. Maybe your family and peers are also pushing the issue and you feel pressured.  

People can feel this, and believe me when I say that this is a HUGE turn-off in most cases. Tone that shi* down and take your time! Have a little fun with it and be at peace with finding a partner. You’re not going to find anyone that making that kind of noise. 

  1. You Don’t Know What You Want (Because You Don’t Know Who You Are).

In this case, you need to be open and spontaneous. This is the best way to find out who you are. Go with the flow. How else are you going to find out who you are and what you want? No one can tell you that. Be extremely open to new places and experiences. Date people, you would never think of dating. Make new friends. Hang out in different places – places you wouldn’t normally go.  

When something isn’t working, you need to change what you’re doing. Switch it up! Things are not happening for you, so change your scene. Keep in mind what kind of partner would bring out the best in you. That is your foundation. 

  1. You Don’t Know What They Want.

If you are a man, you may need to read more books on what women want. If you are a woman, visa versa. Educate yourself. Don’t go in blind. Don’t be an idiot and then wonder why you don’t know what’s happening. According to Psychologytoday.com, Men today (mostly) have an innate tendency to protect and provide. They (men), for the most part, long to be respected, loved, and to provide financially. Most women focus on compassion, respect, trust, a sense of humor, security, confidence, integrity, and emotional availability from a man. Men need to see themselves as the woman’s protector and likewise, a woman needs to feel this from a man. A woman needs to feel that she has the commitment of a man in a long-term relationship as does the man. Most of these biological traits go back to our evolutionary roots. 

  1. Fear of Rejection

You cannot hide behind a wall of fear for the rest of your life. Rejections will happen, but if you do not put yourself out there, you will never succeed. Risks must be taken in order for any action to take place. Many people fear rejection. Do not let fear interfere with your goal of finding love. Life will not wait for you. It will pass you by whether you are ready or not. 

Life will not wait for you. It will pass you by whether you are ready or not. 

Crystal Lacy 

Dating and finding new love can make us feel very vulnerable. However, that fear must be overcome. The more time that passes and we give in to this fear, the more devastation will be caused because of it. Don’t think, just act. Besides, what’s the worst that could happen? They will say no. So what?!? On to the next! That just gets you that much closer to the person you are meant to date or take a chance with.  

If you have some true fears of rejection or otherwise, coaching may be a good avenue to explore. There are some great coping skills and techniques to help you overcome this anxiety.  

  1. You’re Disengaged

You’re so closed off that you cannot really make this work. You have some scars that are not allowing your walls to come down. Something is keeping you from being happy. Something or someone has broken your trust and now you have trouble with trust. You’re trying, but it doesn’t look like it on the outside.  

You’ll need to evaluate your situation and begin to discover what your true needs are before you continue down this path. Otherwise, you will not be successful in your endeavors. Refer back to the sabotaging yourself paragraph. Make a list of what behaviors may be holding you back. If you don’t trust people, you can still find love. You just need to learn how to trust again. There are multiple ways to learn this. Remember: Don’t be afraid to ask questions. You have as much right as they do. You should be patient with their questions as they should be patient with yours.  

  1. Love Is a Game & You Don’t Know How To Play

As I said before, love is a game. Dating is a game. It’s supposed to be fun. Stop being so serious. Don’t take things so personally. If you get a no, move on to the next. BE SEXY!!! Love is sexy. It’s supposed to be. No one wants to show up to a date with that dude in the Dockers slacks with his white dad sneakers and yellow polo shirt. Also, no one wants to show up to a date with that chick wearing the turtle neck sweater, button slacks, and mom’s flats from 1989. ? 

Guuuuurl!!!! go get that slinky black backless short dress and black heels. Put on some red lipstick and let that hair down wild! Guys, get a nice button-down (from the past year) and some denim (from the past year) with some stylish boots or casual sneaks (past year). Put some effort into your hair and groom that face. Don’t overdo it with cologne or perfume.  

Build up your static… be fun, flirtatious, and spontaneous. Go to the dance floor and have a whirl. Have a couple of drinks. Order something exotic off the menu. Smile a lot. Have a fun conversation.  

  1. You Don’t Have The Time

Who are you kidding? You don’t have time for this. You really don’t. You are much too involved in your career, your social circle, your friends, family, hobbies, or whatever it might be. You may be a workaholic. You wake up early to take care of loose ends. You stay up to work on things that need to be taken care of.  

There’s nothing wrong with that, but you should really put love on hold until you are ready to invest in it. If you don’t, it will just not work or it will simply end in devastation. This will not be fair to a new prospect in your life.  

Key Takeaways 

  1. Check your level of readiness. 
  2. Make ready yourself for success. 
  3. Don’t be a stick in the mud. 
  4. Have fun with it. 
  5. If you are self-sabotaging, stop that shit! 
  6. Realize your self worth. 
  7. Learn waise to boost your self-esteem (don’t underestimate your potential). 
  8. Practice self-love and self-care consistently. 
  9. Be your damn self. Nobody likes a poser. 
  10. Be realistic. Don’t expect the fairy tale. 
  11. Don’t be pushy and/or rush things. 
  12. Know who you are and what you want. 
  13. Know what you’re going after and what they want. Educate yourself. 
  14. Stop fearing the worst and focus on ways you will be successful. 
  15. Evaluate your needs and why you might be disengaged. Find ways to work through this. 
  16. Play the game and be sexy, spontaneous, and FUN!!! 
  17. Move on if you don’t have time for love in your life. 

There are many “in-between” spaces in dating, relationships, and marriages. A relationship coach can be very helpful in a one-on-one setting, or in a couple setting. Please reach out if you have any questions about relationships and/or coaching. I am happy to answer any of those questions.  

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