The holidays are here and with Christmas right around the corner, many of us are stressing big time! To truly be able to enjoy this time we must learn to intentionally stay on the upside and redirect difficult situations. With simple reminders and support, we can have an incredible holiday time (even in this less than perfect year! 

Twenty-twenty… it sucked – a BIG ONE!!!! And, it’s not over yet. It’s been a really tough year for all of us and the holidays are different all the way around. 

Some people were affected worse than others and I really feel awful for them. We have tried to help a few people as we can. We didn’t have it easy in our household, but we didn’t have a terrible time either. 

I am thankful that we still had plenty of food and were able to pay our bills. We had help with things that we were not sure we would be able to manage, from people we barely knew. 

I can’t tell you how uplifting that was. It was so nice to be reminded that there are still some good humans in the world. It would have been a much more difficult time for us if we had not had help. 

You see, this was my first year taking a job as an independent contractor. Coaching is my main focus and career. However, until I have enough clients, I still have bills to pay, right? 

So, the company with my independent job is located in the heart of New York, so it was one of the very first to close its doors. I was out of a job for nearly three months without pay. 

I’ve NEVER not had a job. Jack and I were very nervous about what would happen. Then, he was laid off from his job for a short while. Once again, thanks to a little help from big hearts for a few things we were lacking, we didn’t suffer. It’s always nice to know there are still empathetic humans in the world. ♥ 

As far as I’m concerned, 2020 is over! I LOVE the holidays and I am super focused on Christmas and all the joy that it brings! 

I want everyone else to be able to enjoy the holidays just as much as they can and lower their stress levels or deplete them altogether. 

In the past, I really stressed about holidays, so I know how deeply it can impact your life, your relationships, your job, your mental well-being, your ability to enjoy these times, and just your everyday functioning! 

Once I was able to move past the bullshit that I was letting consume me and my time including, but not limited to; money, family, time, gifts, expectations, baking, decorating, and even loneliness. I’m a bit of an overachiever as well, and I have had to learn to tone that down… A LOT! 

I look back and just literally shake my head in disbelief now that I ever did that to myself. I have a much lighter attitude about holiday stress now… 

Many people like to say, “Remember the reason for the season”. Whatever that reason is for you, hold on to it. Keep it at the front of your brain. Keep it sacred and do NOT let anyone darken its door! Whether it’s spiritual, holistic, family, or otherwise, this is your focus! 

As for me, I just love the happiness and magic. I feel like a child again. It feels very whimsical and dreamy to me. It’s a star that I’ve climbed upon and I don’t care to come down from. 

I love the Christmas decor, the music, the vibes, the giving, the fancy drinks, the shopping, and THE FOOD!! There are so many ways that you can help yourself to enjoy all of these things more. 

So, without further ado, here are the fifteen “gifts” to help you  

Say “NO” without guilt. This one is number one for a reason. You spread yourself too thin. You say yes to everything and everyone because you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. Is your life your own or someone else’s? There you go. It’s YOURS! There’s nothing wrong with helping out a little bit here and there, but know when to say NO! How can you enjoy your own holiday if you always doing everything for everyone else. Does this sound selfish? Maybe a little. Is it? Hell no! We must learn to build healthy boundaries between our lives and other people’s lives. Stop feeling guilty for wanting to enjoy a little of your own life and your own family. I guarantee you that most of the people that you are “helping” either, A. don’t give a shit that you are sacrificing your own family and self needs, or B. wouldn’t want you doing that if they knew that you were. And yes, they are usually the opposite end of the spectrum kind of people. So, either way, you’re doing yourself a favor by saying no. Let that sink in for a minute because it’s true. Wink!  

* Sidenote – This year will be very easy to say no with all of the beautiful COVID restrictions laid out for us in advance. What more do you need?? 

Set realistic expectations. Twenty-twenty is going to make this much easier for most of us for obvious reasons. Many people are not planning huge elaborate parties and such and what better time to lower the bar for the ridiculous things that people expect some of us to do and/or the ridiculous things that some of us expect ourselves to do (guilty). No one is going to cry if we don’t invite them for dinner. If they do, oh well. It’s not like they are going to un-relative you. And, if they do that’s going to have to be on them. It’s not the end of the world. You might even like that!  

 If you’re not feeling it and you just would like to have your small circle this year, do it up! What’s stopping you? Two years ago, Jack and I started only having holidays for only our boys and us and we haven’t really missed anything. It’s been really nice and actually more fun and WAY more relaxing! None of us are worried about who will be where and what people are thinking and what we will need to bring and wear, blah blah blah… It’s just us and we can sit around in our damn pajamas all day if we want. I don’t even have to put any makeup on!! I can cook if I want. I don’t have to if I don’t want to. No one complains. We watch movies during the day and everyone does their own thing. We listen to music and have cocktails in the evening and play games if everyone wants to! It’s super chill. That’s what holidays are about. No one is driving 30 miles to see anyone and waiting around for everyone to show up. We are not cleaning our house for eight hours the night before. I don’t have to make nine types of bullshit food unless I feel like it. We don’t have to worry about forced conversations with people we don’t really know. No more being judged by Judgy McJudgster. There is no more concern about buying gifts for Uncle Marty and Great Aunt Wanda that we barely know. Many people are ready to dive into a bottle of vodka five minutes in with the fam. 

Take care of your own needs FIRST. Again, this may sound selfish (it’s NOT), but if you are not taking care of yourself you are in no shape to care of anyone else. You will be no fun to be around, you will not enjoy your time with other people, and you will certainly not enjoy your holiday. Stress sneaks up on us like a pair of sexy panties that have shrunk a bit in the dryer. They creep right up that booty and make us uncomfortable all damn day no matter what we do. For men, it’s like another man standing next to you at the urinal. You can’t shake off that kind of awkwardness. You’re just minding your own business peeing and BAM!! Stranger danger penis right next to you. What tha??? Are there not two other urinals this bruh could’ve politely used instead? Yeah… stress creeps up just like that. Haaaalllloooo!!!! Hi! I’m stress and I’m going to eat your soul… and take the action steps there as well as following the fifteen “gifts” I’m giving you here. YLet That Shit Go</span></em></strong>. Holidays dredge up a lot of b.s. for a lot of people. Family drama, friend drama, work drama, ex drama, and dating drama. Take a step back my friend. Is any of it really worth losing your shit over? I’ve done this so many times I can’t even begin to tell you. It’s ruined my holidays. I would be on here all night writing if I told you about all the drama in my life. But guess what, I let it go. Sometimes, I still struggle a bit, but it’s NOTHING like it was before. I took many things personally. If someone didn’t like me or was mad at me, or if I even THOUGHT that… I would fixate on it and it was so intense. I couldn’t handle it. It’s very much a codependent trait. I know that now. Once again, I look back and see how silly it was and still is when I get upset about stupid things. I still get upset, but it’s very small, not big like before. Because guess what?  

I LET THAT SHIT GO!!! I realized how silly it was to be worried about what a few people thought about me. I am in control of my life now. I do not let other people control my life or my thoughts about other people control my life. The same is true with holidays. I am in control of my holidays and I am not going to let anyone ruin them for me. We are grown folks, right? Whoever said we should be concerned with what people think? Why should we be concerned about the past? Can we go back and fix it? Nah. However, we CAN enjoy the moment and move forward vowing to never waste another holiday again! LET IT GO! 

This is a tough one for many people. We want to show people how much we love them and we sometimes feel like we need to buy more gifts to do that. There’s nothing wrong with buying gifts for people, but when we spend more than we should and it adds a significant amount of stress because we can’t pay our bills it’s a different story. Start out with a budget such as a gift app. Jack and I used one this year called the Christmas List App and it has been a great help! You can make a gift list for each person on your list and set a budget for how much you want to spend. Once you or someone you have shared the list with have purchased the item, the item is “claimed” and marked off without letting the receiver of the gift know that someone purchased it. The budget part keeps you aware of how much you have spent. It also allows your kids, significant other, or whomever else you’re buying for to choose items they want from stores they prefer with a link they can share with you. This feels less “bratty” or “askie” in my opinion. Plus, it puts a picture of the item which is very helpful for those of us that are brainless.  

Skip the store I don’t know about any of you, but going into stores this time of year just makes my skin crawl. It stresses me out big time. It even puts me in a bad mood sometimes. People are often pushy, rude, and there are germs everywhere right now. You can’t find a freaking place to park, you get door dinged or door smashed, there are no carts, and you can’t try stuff on anyway. I am a big Shipt advocate. They have saved me so much time and money. The time saving is the biggest win for me and I absolutely LOATHE going to shop for groceries! My boys gift me the Shipt membership every year for Mother’s Day. I can get my Target home goods, Crest groceries, and even dog food delivered from Petco all with Shipt. I don’t even have to leave the house. My boys can text me what we need while I’m working and I just add it to the Shipt app and hit checkout when I’m ready. The groceries can be delivered when I arrive home on my porch and the boys can grab them and put them away. I can start dinner without ever having to leave the house. It’s a lifesaver! I can even get wrapping paper delivered! I try to do all of my other shopping from Amazon since we have Prime with free delivery and other stuff online. It saves me a TON of time and stress from going to the store and nobody gets hurt!   

Let off some steam. Have a date night with your special someone. Have a guys night. Have a girl’s night. Hang out with your kids. Have a drink. Watch a movie. What would you really like to do? Go do that! It doesn’t have to be ALL about the holidays right now. There are often many other things to do that are not available year-round such as ice skating! I actually just took a break from writing this blog to go play in the snow with my husband and my son, Colby, and our three dogs. After all, how often does Oklahoma get snow? Lol Not often. It was beautiful! Those moments come and go so quickly and we can’t get them back, so enjoy them while you can. My oldest son is 22 and has his own place now, so I can’t just call him over to play. My middle son wasn’t really “feeling” playing in the snow, but Jack and I were able to get my 17-year-old to, so it was great! Jack got some awesome pictures with his snazzy camera! 

Wake up with positive thoughts Start each day with positivity in your brain. You must consciously choose to have positive thoughts. So many of our actions and moods stem from our subconscious thoughts. It takes some time and patience to fine-tune and modify this behavior, but it is well worth the time and effort and it can lead you on a terribly pleasing path to success and a brighter future with stronger relationships and a happier you! Surround yourself with positive people and stay away from negative influences, including people, media, music, things at work, and things of the like. If you stop and think about it, you will be amazed at how many negative influencers there are on our daily lives. Get those nasty things out of there! They have no right to be there creeping in on you! Little bastards! 

A form of meditation to bring you back to your place of relaxation and rightful being is extremely helpful. This can take the place of many forms other than traditional meditation. This can be yoga, mindful breathing (those that have apple watches can easily do this with helpful reminders), visual meditations, progressive relaxation, spiritual meditation, and other types. You cannot seriously know the power of meditation until you try it. Guys: this is not just for the ladies. It is a very masculine act as well. There is a very strong presence in a man that meditates and it shows that he is very in touch and in tune with his body, mind, nature, and spirituality. 

Seriously. Who cares what you’re wearing? You gotta stop caring what people think. This is a big one! We’re always so obsessed with what people are thinking about us! The only person you need to impress is YOU! It’s tough to swallow other people’s opinions. You wanna know what’s easier? Not giving a shit! Look, I’m not saying be a complete slob all the time, but level down your give a damn filter. Seriously, ease up pal! In the past I worried so much about what people thought of my clothes, my hair, my makeup, etc… I still do sometimes, but my care button has been thrown out the window for the most part. Let’s be honest, most people are not even looking at you like that and the ones that are, well, they’re usually assholes anyway.  So, stop wasting your time on all that crap. However, if you truly enjoy dressing up and would like to – go for it! Just make sure you do it for yourself! 

personality. Be who you are! A lot of people try to alter their personalities to fit in and please other people during the holiday. Once again, embrace your weirdness! Don’t change for other people unless it’s a good change that needs to happen. Find your true self and be that person and be comfortable in your own skin. You will have a much grander time this year. Just look at Cousin Eddie. Does he ever give a damn about what people think about him? And, don’t we all wish we could embrace that kind of carelessness in our own lives? I dare ya! 

It’s time to let some of the work go. You may need to join Workaholics Anonymous. There is help. There is more to life than work. Of course, there is nothing wrong with hard work. Geez, some people don’t work enough or work at all! All I’m saying is don’t let work consume your life. Make sure you have that life-work balance. How sad are the holidays if you are spending them working? Take a break and take some time with people you like or love or even just with yourself. You will thank yourself for that. 

They can wait. The holidays come and go so fast. There is little time to enjoy them. Even if you’re having people over, most of the time they could care less what your house looks unless it is just a complete dump. You don’t have to keep the laundry completely caught up every day. I’m giving you permission. You don’t have to all of the house projects done, you don’t even need to have all the Christmas lights on your house bigger than your neighbor unless of course, that is your flips your mojo. 

It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. If you do have things that need done that you absolutely cannot put off and you need help, don’t be afraid to ask! You’ve got friends and family surely. Someone will help you if you ask. If you’re like me, that’s the difficult part… ASKING!! I SUCK at asking. I don’t want to burden anyone. I don’t want anyone to think I’m lazy or incompetent. I’m getting over that. It’s a process. It is definitely one of my slower processes. I even have a difficult time asking my own husband for help… gulp! Many of us have that whole, “I got this. I can handle it.” Trust me, you know where that leads straight back to? This holiday stress we are discussing. So, get over that crap about not wanting to ask and nut up!!! No one is going to just guess that you need help.  

Have some fun It’s not the holidays if you’re not having fun. Don’t be boring. Don’t be a negative Nancy. Don’t be a stick in the mud. Get off your arse and have a great damn time! No one is going to have a good time for you! You are responsible for your fun time! Sure, other people can help you have a good time, but it’s up to you to enjoy yourself so do it! There is no better time than now to decide to be grande! Send twenty-twenty out on its ass and bring twenty-twenty one in with flaming stars! You deserve to be happy! Happy of happiest Christmases my friends!